I’m Changed

A lot of things happened during the past year. Some of them were more significant than others. I went to Norway to visit my grandmother, finished high school, took the university entrance exams, was accepted, and moved to Sarajevo on my own to study. Oh, I almost forgot to mention: I fell in love for the first time.

It’s the truth. We met at a New Year’s Eve party in my hometown, and I think by January 1, 1999, I loved him already. He was frankly quite ordinary, like any fellow on any street every day. To me, however, he was the most wonderful person in the whole world, for he made me change.

Returning to my parents and sister from Norway in 1996 after three years away had been an adjustment. It suited me better to be at home with my family than to go out with schoolmates. Those girls and I didn’t seem to understand each other because we had suffered differently – they in the midst of the war, I separated from my family and my community. It was difficult to find the right words, so mostly I was quiet and on my own.

That sweet night he asked me to dance several times, but I kept refusing. Finally, he sat down and started talking. He went on for quite a while until he heard my silence, so he asked me questions. I replied with the story of Snow White and Little Red Riding Hood. By dawn, I had told him how lost I felt.

He took me home, but we got together in the evening a few hours later and for hours upon hours afterwards. He introduced me everywhere. It became easier to relate to people. I laughed. My parents were overjoyed. Before they had teased me to smile, even offering me a reward for each one.

He and I prepared for Matura together. We both passed. Then on a Monday in June he phoned to break up. On Tuesday we met, and he explained why.

Though I didn’t cry in front of him, I cried for a long time to my father. After a month, I accepted that it must have been for the best. I agreed that we were too young to get serious about each other. I was able to cherish what he had given me. He had helped me to come home at last.

I will never erase him from my memory. He was part of the positive transformation I had wanted. I would like to thank him for affecting my life and giving it a new direction. In some way I shall love him forever.